


massu the virgin

by thunderylee



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous sexuality, Canon Universe, Intersex Character, M/M, Mpreg, Read the Disclaimer, Romance, a valiant attempt at multi-strand plotlines, except there's no stupid love triangle, feminist shige, i couldn't bring myself to write it, it felt like fetishizing intersex people, loosely based on jane the virgin, nobuta throwback, pregnancy & babies, ryo cameo, that's basically canon now amirite, there's also no porn, underage sex scandal, yamapi cameo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 17:57:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14478111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Tegoshi has an underage sex scandal and Massu gets pregnant. Never a dull moment in this group, even if Shige's caught in the middle of it all.





	massu the virgin

**Author's Note:**

> this is gonna be long, so bear with me. if you read nothing else, please read the disclaimer before proceeding.
> 
> 1\. this is originally inspired by massu's comment on his radio show after filming some thing with news where there were young kids. he was bewildered that their dads were his age and had a bit of an existential crisis about being a father himself.
> 
> 2\. shout out to internet-san for having the most reliable _conflicting_ information about intersex people. it comes down to that everyone is different, and while it's medically possible that massu's impregnation could have really happened this way (based on a credible-looking article that may or may not be true), it is also something rude that binary sexed people assume about intersex people. inevitably, i was looking for a new and exciting way to portray mpreg and saw an opportunity to fictionally represent a lesser understood group of people at the same time. i mean absolutely no disrespect and only have the best intentions in doing my part to raise awareness and acceptance in my tiny little corner of fandom.
> 
> 3\. **disclaimer: i spent four days writing this, and on the fourth day, yamaguchi's scandal broke out.** i am still pleasantly amazed at the outrage, from fans and the other idols, though it renders my sideplot here inaccurate and wildly problematic. i honestly expected that nobody would care if tegoshi did something similar, just like they didn't any of the times before, and i struggled to work out my own outrage through shige's pov and attempt to redeem tegoshi in both his eyes and mine. the timing sucks, but i selfishly didn't want to trash 16k of intersex representation or rewrite it to eliminate the sideplot completely. as thrilled as i am to live in a world where idols are held accountable for their inappropriate behavior, it wasn't always this way, and i implore any curious readers to look at tegoshi's very fictional situation as a throwback to how things used to be and how far we've come as an (in)tolerant society on an international level.

"She told me she was eighteen!" Tegoshi claims, and Shige stands up and walks right out of the room.

Other idols mull about the hallway, but nobody dares to speak to him. It's all over the news, despite management's desperate attempts to make it disappear like every scandal the agency has faced before. It seems that not even the great Johnny Kitagawa can cover up statutory rape charges.

Shige takes a deep breath, pressing his thumbs into his temples so hard that it hurts. This may not directly be his problem, but he's sure as fuck affected by it. NEWS will probably be sent on another indefinite hiatus while Tegoshi goes to court, and everything Shige remembers from law school strictly limits the possibility that Tegoshi will continue as an active member. Nobody wants a registered sex offender as an idol.

If KAT-TUN can survive as three members, maybe NEWS can too.

"This is my fault," Shige announces when he inevitably returns to the meeting room. "I stood idly by and let this happen."

Naturally, Koyama jumps to comfort him. "You couldn't have known! We all say things like that--"

"We all most certainly do _not_ ," Shige interrupts him, narrowing his eyes at his best friend. "You're just as bad, honestly. Both of you are horrible when it comes to objectifying women. This is exactly what Janelle Monae was talking about at the Grammy's."

"No, it isn't," Tegoshi argues, and Shige's so shocked by this one's audacity that he doesn't stop him from continuing. "I didn't harass anyone. If she had said no, I would have left her alone!"

Shige pinches the bridge of his nose. "The fact that you're defending it..." He trails off with a sigh that leaves him light-headed. "I'm sorry I didn't put a stop to this before it went too far. It's too late to change the past, so all we can do is move forward and hope that there will still be a group to come back to after Tegoshi is fired."

"Fired?" Tegoshi repeats with a scoff. "I'm not getting fired. I'm the only reason we're still making music at all. I carry most of the vocals!"

"Management thinks they can get her to settle quietly," Koyama says, his face so hopeful that Shige can't decide which one of them to punch. "The family doesn't have a lot of money, so a settlement will ensure that she can go to a good university."

"It's not like I got her pregnant," Tegoshi adds. "Besides, this is Japan, not the U.S. Nobody cares about age differences here. High school girl fetishes are practically part of our culture. It's not _my_ fault that she lied about her age. I should sue _her_ for misleading me and trying to ruin my career!"

"She's _sixteen_ ," Shige points out, his blood boiling the more he has to explain to this grown man why what he did isn't okay. "Legally, she cannot be sued. She also cannot _consent to sex_."

"I consented to plenty of sex when I was sixteen," Tegoshi says airily.

"With thirty-year-old men?!" Shige demands to know.

"I fail to see how my age or gender is relevant," Tegoshi goes on. "In fact, I'm done talking to you about it. If you're not on my side, then I'm not interested in anything you have to say."

"Fine," Shige agrees. He's being stubborn and he knows it, but the next step is to get into a physical brawl right here at the jimusho and that won't end well for either one of them. "What happens next?"

"We'll finish our concerts," Koyama starts, and Shige tries not to get sick at the thought of seeing uchiwas in support of Tegoshi from their young female fanbase. "Our activity isn't being halted at this time. We have another single slotted for summer, dropping just before the trial date."

That gets Shige's attention. " _What_?"

"Innocent until proven guilty, Shige," Tegoshi taunts. "Just because _you_ know it's true doesn't mean that everyone else does. Remember that junior who made his underage girlfriend have an abortion? Yeah, I don't either."

Shige takes another deep breath to stay calm. The anger management techniques he hasn't needed since university are coming in handy today. On one hand, he wants NEWS to keep working together, but on the other, he wants Tegoshi to be held responsible for his actions. The lawyer in him might not be able to continue going on like nothing happened. The budding feminist in him definitely can't.

"I have an announcement," Massu speaks up, looking to all the world that he couldn't care less about Tegoshi or any underage sex scandal. "I'm having a baby."

" _What_?" three voices exclaim, including Shige's.

"You _dog_ ," Tegoshi praises, and Shige gives him a disgusted expression that he blatantly ignores. "I didn't even think you liked girls."

"It was a medical mistake," Massu says simply.

"Like in _Jane the Virgin_?" Koyama asks. "She was accidentally artificially inseminated and got pregnant despite never having sex before."

"It's kind of like that," Massu says evasively.

"Did you freeze your sperm?" Koyama tries next. "I thought about doing that if I'm not married by the time I'm forty. You should have plenty of time though, unless you're dying? Massu, you're not dying, are you?!"

Shige is consistently amazed by how Koyama can manage to work himself into a frenzy in such a short amount of time with the least amount of information. Even Tegoshi looks concerned, though it's more likely that he's grateful for anything that will take the negative attention off of himself. Shige has to admit that their resident prude actually knocking someone up is definitely a more interesting story.

"I'm not dying," Massu assures them. "I didn't freeze anything, either."

Koyama cringes like it physically hurts him to try and make sense of this. "How did you get someone pregnant then? Did you jerk off on a toilet seat or something?"

"What? No." Massu makes a face that mirrors Shige's. "It's me. I'm the one who is pregnant."

"How..." Shige starts, then decides to let it be.

He's the only one though. Koyama flails over how cute Massu will be once he starts showing, while Tegoshi teases him about who the father is.

"I told you, it was a medical mistake," Massu huffs. "Why don't you listen the first time?"

Koyama and Tegoshi ignore him, and Massu seems to accept their overbearing joy instead of any more invasive questions. Meanwhile, Shige's brain runs faster than he can keep up, wondering how long Massu will continue to work and whether NEWS will take another hiatus after he gives birth. If he even decides to stay in NEWS.

"Are you going to leave the group?" Shige asks directly, and Koyama gasps like he hadn't considered that possibility until right now.

"Of course not," Massu says firmly, and Shige feels his mood lifting along with Koyama's smile. "People have babies all the time and go back to work. Idols get maternity leave too, you know."

"Are you going to go _public_?" Tegoshi asks quietly.

"I have to, don't I?" Massu says pointedly. "I'm certainly not going to hide out at home for eight months, and I won't hide my child either. Besides, it will distract our fans from Tegoshi's bad life choices."

Tegoshi beams like Massu had gotten pregnant specifically to save his ass, and Shige just shakes his head and mentally straps himself in for the wild ride that is going to be the rest of this year. Never a dull moment in this group, that's for sure.

*

Massu's putting together his press conference following the "leak" that he is with child, and Shige can't for the life of him understand why Massu had specifically requested his assistance.

"Do you think I should come out first, or wait until someone asks?" Massu asks, and Shige chokes on his coffee milk. As much as he could have used an alcoholic beverage right now, which Massu had offered, Shige's not rude enough to drink around someone who can't.

"Come out as what?" Shige asks, giving up on making any sense out of this whole situation. "Your private life is already going to be under scrutiny. What _else_ do you need to share with the world?"

"That I have a uterus," Massu replies, and Shige stares at him. "Did you think this fetus was just hanging out in my abdomen or something?"

"I don't know what to think at all," Shige admits. "All you said is that it was a medical mistake."

"It was," Massu insists. "My body suddenly stopped making testosterone, so I tried this new hormone injection to try and jump-start it again. Only it worked a little _too_ well and fertilized one of my eggs. I didn't even know I could _do_ that!"

Shige blinks at him. "I hear the words that you're saying, but they're not processing in my brain."

"Aren't you the LGBTQ advocate of the group?" Massu huffs. "You _are_ aware that there are other letters, right?"

Shige's eyes widen as he recalls the lesser-understood I. "You're intersex?"

"If that's what you want to call it," Massu mutters, looking sheepish for the first time in Shige's memory. "Saying it out loud makes me feel like I'm naked and on display for a group of doctors and scientists, like when I was a kid. I don't like remembering that."

All at once, Shige understands why Massu has always been so modest with them and quiet about his personal business. "I'm sorry."

"Just don't make a big deal about it, okay?" Massu pleads, and Shige rushes to nod. "I'm already going to be treated like a freak when the news gets out, but at the very least my friends can act like I'm a normal human being."

"Yeah, definitely." Shige forces a smile and tries to remember what he knows about intersex people. "You _are_ a normal human being, just with some parts swapped out."

Massu snorts. "More like I have _all_ the parts. My mom used to say that I was so special that God couldn't decide whether to make me a boy or a girl, so He did both."

Shige thinks that's problematic on several different layers, but he picks his battles. "If you come out as...having a uterus," he begins, choosing his words carefully, "people are going to have questions. Invasive ones."

"I know." Massu makes a face like he's having an internal debate, and Shige wishes there was something he could do to make this easier for him. "But don't I owe it to other people like me to take this opportunity to represent us? If I'm going public anyway, I may as well raise awareness or whatever you call it."

"Have I been influencing you?" Shige asks suddenly, and Massu offers a small smile. "Don't do it if it will make you uncomfortable. We can probably suspend everyone's disbelief enough to think that you really did have a fertilized egg implanted in your abdomen. People will believe anything if you make it sound logical enough."

"That might work if my body wasn't going to change," Massu tells him, pausing to take a breath so deep that Shige ends up breathing with him. "I can't take testosterone if I want a healthy baby, and my one ovary is releasing more than enough hormones for gestation according to my last blood panel. It's a miracle actually, since I was always told I was sterile, but I'm going to start looking real feminine real soon. It's already started."

"There are ways to cover that up," Shige offers, noticing how Massu's features have softened a bit lately. He'd just assumed it had come with age. "Lots of female-to-male transgender people don't get hormone replacement therapy and pass well enough."

"I don't know if I _want_ to cover it up," Massu admits. "I've been lucky enough to look masculine this entire time, but it's always felt inauthentic. Isn't it worse for me to lie and continue letting everyone believe the myth of binary sex assignment when I am living proof that it's not true?"

"That's something you'll have to decide for yourself," Shige tells him, frowning at Massu's disappointment. This is clearly not what he wanted to hear. "I will definitely be on your side, and Koyama and Tegoshi will be too--I'll make them. I think your fans will continue to love you no matter what, and after the initial shock dies down, everyone will just accept it. You'll just have to make it through that initial shock where everyone wants to know what's in your pants and how you use it."

Massu sighs, glances down at what he'd already typed for his press release, and then gives Shige a helpless look. "Don't _you_ want to know what's in my pants and how I use it?"

"I am a little curious, but I accept that it's how you were born and who you are," Shige tells him. "If you want to tell me, I'll listen, and maybe between the two of us we can come up with a more vague way to share it with the world."

"I have both reproductive systems," Massu tells him, and Shige can tell that he's struggling to say this out loud. "I have one ovary and one testicle, both of which are inside me. I've gotten a period every month since I was thirteen, at least up until now. The doctors and my parents wanted me to get a hysterectomy since they thought I'd never have a baby, but I wouldn't let them do it. It wasn't hurting me and that kind of surgery has a long recovery time. I don't like lying, and I don't like changing my body to fit someone else's definition of a man. It was easier to just keep everything as it was, naturally."

"What about sex?" Shige brings himself to ask. "I don't care one bit, but people think they're entitled to everyone's bedroom business, so that's probably gonna be one of the first questions. I wouldn't be surprised if it comes from Koyama or Tegoshi."

"Me neither," Massu mutters, then sighs. "It's simple--I don't have sex. I've had opportunities, and I want to, but there hasn't been anyone whom I trust enough not to run away and blab when I give them more options than they're used to. So, as shameful as it is, I'm still a virgin, like in Koyama's TV show."

"Virginity isn't real," Shige tells him. "Sex isn't for everyone, and it's definitely not any kind of coming-of-age ritual or whatever misogynistic bullshit men spout to slut-shame and objectify women."

Massu grins for the first time in days. "I love how passionate you are about feminism."

"I'm glad someone does," Shige remarks. "Koyama says I'm digging my own grave, and Tegoshi is...Tegoshi."

"I bet our female fans are happy to have an idol who stands up for them," Massu says, and Shige feels a warmth like Massu had just given him a hug. "I may look like a man, but my body could have easily made estrogen instead of testosterone, and I'd be grateful that you were fighting for my rights too."

Shige wants to point out that the same could be said about Massu himself, but Massu seems to realize it as his face falls and he gives Shige that helpless look again.

"I should come out, shouldn't I?" Massu asks, but the way he straightens up shows that he's not actually seeking Shige's opinion this time. "It'll be really hard on me, but all of the backlash will be worth it if other people who were born like me don't have to hide anymore. Did you know that most intersex babies get surgery as _infants_ to 'correct' their bodies? I'm so lucky my parents refused to do that. The only surgery I've had is to open my vagina because it never opened on its own."

Shige smiles. "You said it."

"What, 'vagina'?" Massu laughs. "It's not a dirty word."

"No, 'intersex'," Shige says carefully, and Massu 'ah's like he hadn't realized it. "I was going to say that the first order of business is deciding what you're going to call it, but the community is already so small and misunderstood that calling it anything else might cause more harm than good."

"I know," Massu says. "It's bad enough that I technically got myself pregnant. That's one of the first things people ask when they find out someone has both sex organs and there's this huge stigma against it. It's considered really rude, yet in my case it's the truth."

"Well, you don't have to be _that_ specific, right?" Shige suggests. "It's enough to say you have a functioning female reproductive system, I think."

Massu wrinkles his nose. "Then they're gonna assume I got knocked up by someone."

"Yeah, there is that." Shige frowns as he wracks his brain for ideas. "Is it worse to look irresponsible or support a harmful stereotype for your marginalized community?"

"I guess it's okay if people think I'm gay," Massu says slowly, and Shige starts because he hadn't even _thought_ aboutthat. "It'll be difficult to carry on the lie that my baby has another father though. Especially since he's going to basically be a genetic clone of me."

Shige had been curious about that as well, but that definitely wasn't his business. "I can think of worse things than two Massus in this world," he jokes, and Massu smiles at him. "Already so sure it's going to be a boy?"

"Well, he's going to look exactly like me," Massu says pointedly, and Shige feels a little called out. "The doctors said his body might decide to make estrogen instead of testosterone, but we won't know until puberty. My parents raised me as a boy, so I'll do the same for this one until he tells me otherwise."

Shige starts to open his mouth to refute, then decides not to. It's enough that Massu's open to his child's gender identity changing later on. "As long as you don't have a gender reveal party," he says, making a face.

"If I did, everything would be purple," Massu tells him, and they both laugh. "It's a good excuse to have cake though."

Massu talking about food seems to right the upside-down world, and Shige realizes that Massu's no different than he was last week when Shige had assumed he was a cisgender man. He may be pregnant, and he may start looking different as his hormones alter his body, but he's still Massu and the only thing that will really change is the new addition to their group near the end of the year.

"I'm gonna do it," Massu interrupts Shige's internal monologue. "I'm gonna come out."

The public is in no way ready for it, but Shige's determined to help them catch up.

*

Tegoshi stares at Massu for the entirety of Massu's rehearsed speech, and Shige's confident that Tegoshi's been tuning him out for the last half of it in favor of whatever he sees Massu as now.

"Those little guys really do know where to go," is all Koyama has to say after Massu explains the "medical mistake," seeming more amazed at the miracle of Massu's fertilization than the fact that he's physically equipped to do it himself. 

Then again, Koyama has always been a blubbering mess around babies, so they could have told him that it was magic and he would have believed it. His priorities are simply not as logical as Shige's, and it's one of the many reasons they get along so well.

Tegoshi, however, is more focused on the layout of Massu's anatomy, and even Shige feels violated at the way he's blatantly undressing Massu with his eyes. The good news is that this is probably the worst it's going to be, setting the bar for the public to stoop low enough to reach after the press conference tomorrow.

"Stop looking at me like that," Massu snaps after he wraps up the more detailed version of what he's going to tell the world. "I'm not in high school, so I don't have anything you'd be interested in."

Shige can't stop his laugh, but Tegoshi's stare doesn't waver. "I knew you had actual PMS," he finally says.

Massu sighs. "Any questions?"

"Is it safe?" Koyama asks in a small voice, and Shige's heart aches at a legitimate worry he hadn't thought of. "With the body you have, will the fetus get everything it needs to grow and be born?"

Massu looks like that was his _first_ worry. "There haven't been many instances of people like me getting pregnant this way, but intersex pregnancies as a whole have the same risks as anyone else. It's a good sign that my body is producing more estrogen and progesterone, even if it means that I'll look like a woman. I don't care if I grow boobs and can't get an erection if I can carry my baby to term."

Koyama nods while Tegoshi frowns (probably at the impotency risk), and the next question actually comes from Shige. "Is it okay to keep working and performing with us?"

"Absolutely," Massu answers. "I'm incredibly healthy and my doctor doesn't foresee any complications. My mother had two easy pregnancies, so that is a good indicator of what mine will be like. I probably won't run and jump around as much when I get bigger, but I definitely want to continue working until at least the ninth month. That will get us through New Year's."

"If you need to stop earlier, do it," Koyama says firmly. "It wouldn't be the first time we've performed as three. Baby Massu comes first."

"It'll be just you and me after Tegoshi goes to jail," Shige points out, because he likes to take a dig at the unconvicted felon of the group at every opportunity. "We can finally debut as KoyaShige at Countdown!"

"You're hilarious," Tegoshi deadpans. "I'm _not_ going to jail. The agency's lawyer has a meeting with that girl's legal team next week. They're trying to get a deal where I just have to do community service or sensitivity training. No jail time, nothing on my record."

"Such injustice," Shige quips, and now Tegoshi turns to him with angry eyes.

"Do you _want_ me to get arrested?" Tegoshi demands. "After all we've been through, you want to tear up our group even more?"

"If something happens to our group because of this, it will be _your_ fault," Shige tells him, refusing to raise his voice. "You broke the law, so you should be punished. This is how the world works."

" _She_ _told me she was eighteen_ ," Tegoshi hisses. "Didn't you go to law school? You know what entrapment is."

"You shouldn't be fucking eighteen-year-olds either!" Shige yells. So much for not rising to Tegoshi's bait. "Be attracted to women your own age!"

Tegoshi looks like he wants to argue some more, then visibly deflates. "You know what? I don't have to put up with this. Massu, congratulations. Call me if you need anything. See you all for our next single."

He turns and walks out of the room, not looking back, and Shige has to squash down the urge to follow. He has gotten into many, _many_ verbal spats with this one over the years, and every single time Shige has been the one to apologize first. He won't do it now, not with something as important as this.

Koyama's frown is worse than any tone Tegoshi could use, and Shige resigns himself to having them _both_ upset with him in favor of the greater good. "We won't start working on the next single for another month," Koyama says in an even voice. "Until then, take care of yourselves."

Shige stares as his own best friend walks away from him, then directs his disbelief to the last member standing. "Are you going to leave too?"

"I mean, eventually I have to," Massu answers, looking as unaffected as he usually does when Shige and Tegoshi fight. "I'm hungry, and I'm eating for two now, so I probably shouldn't wait too long."

Shige smiles at the familiarity, just like when Massu had first come out to him. "Want to grab some gyoza? My treat."

The way Massu's face lights up has Shige forgetting all about Koyama and Tegoshi. For now.

*

Everything Shige expects to happen after Massu's press conference doesn't. It's almost disappointing to have spent so much time and effort on running damage control only to not have any damage. Shige has _numerous_ responses ready for anything ignorant that someone could say regarding Massu's body or his gender identity, along with a half-written _Tripper_ essay that reads more like a research paper on intersex people, and he ends up needing _none_ of it.

Within minutes of Massu coming out and announcing his pregnancy, he becomes revered as a miracle, even without the public knowing that he hadn't done it the conventional way. Doctors, public officials, and even other idols speak out in support of him, and the best medical centers in Japan are competing to deliver his baby. Nobody asks who the father is, only tells him to take care of himself, relax, and do his best for his child.

Most importantly, at least to Shige, is all of the intersex people coming out of the woodwork and sharing their stories. Not just in Japan, but all over the world, reporters seek out these individuals and actually listen to what they have to say, which is a mixture of all of the horrible ways their bodies have been mutilated to "fit in" and how grateful they are to Massu for giving them a voice.

After a week of Shige actively seeking out negative reactions in the worst cesspools of the Internet to get _some_ use out of his preparations, Koyama seems to forget that they're feuding and calls him in tears. It takes Shige until he's halfway to his car to realize that Koyama's _happy_ , so overcome by all of the people supporting Massu that he had to sob it all out to Shige over the phone. He also shares that _NEWS na Futari_ is interrupting their regularly-scheduled line-up to do their own report on intersex people, with Massu as a special guest.

"I've gotten so many hugs," Massu greets him the next time he comes over. "I don't know how to ask them to stop without being rude, so I just deal with it."

Shige laughs. "How are you feeling?"

"Full," Massu answers, bringing his hands to his abdominal area. He's wearing his usual baggy clothes, so Shige doesn't see the pooch until Massu smooths down the cotton. "He's not doing anything in there yet, but the doctors say that's normal. Mom says I didn't kick very much either. I was a pretty chill fetus."

Shige doesn't know what to say to that, so he just watches Massu gently lower himself to the couch. "Do you need help?" he asks too late.

"When I get up, I will," Massu tells him. "This thing is throwing off my center of gravity. I never realized how much I used my abs for movement until I couldn't anymore."

"RIP to your six pack," Shige jokes, and Massu laughs.

"That's not all," Massu says, and now his hands flatten down his shirt even higher. "I'm gonna need a bra soon."

Shige's eyes widen at the small bumps and very pointed nipples. "Ah, probably."

"Sorry." Massu fans his shirt back out. "Koyama and Tegoshi wanted to see, so I figured you would too."

"Your voice is the same," Shige points out, trying to distract himself from the physical changes of Massu's body. "Is that going to change too?"

"Oh, that's unaffected by the new hormones," Massu tells him. "My Adam's apple and vocal chords have already formed, so they're not gonna go away. I'll sound like this forever."

Shige nods, telling himself there will be at least something comforting about this transformation, then feels a pang of guilt at Massu's sudden frown. "What?"

"You're the last person I thought would be judgmental about this," Massu says, resting his hands on his baby bump while he holds Shige's gaze. "Or is it only okay to be different when it's not someone you know personally?"

"No," Shige rushes to refute, shaking his head so hard that his bangs fly into his eyes. "I'm sorry, it's just a lot to take in. And it has nothing to do with me, so it's _my_ problem that _I_ need to get over. Taka is Taka no matter what you look like, and I love and support you all the way."

Massu's smile reappears, but Shige still feels horrible. "I guess I've had more time to get used to it since I see it every day. Would it help if we spent more time together? I could use the company. I don't know if it's the pregnancy or what, but I have this urge to be around people all the time. I don't like being alone anymore."

"I would enjoy that, but don't do it just for me," Shige warns.

"Oh, I have my selfish reasons too," Massu says. "Koyama and Tegoshi keep giving me these lewd looks, like having a curvier body has suddenly made me attractive to them."

"Maybe don't show them your rack then," Shige suggests, and Massu nods like it had just occurred to him that might be a problem.

"I tell them that I still have a penis, and Tegoshi gets this really conflicted face," Massu relays. "I secretly feel good about being the reason for his sexuality crisis."

Shige laughs out loud. "Koyama probably doesn't care either way. That man is attracted to anyone with a pulse."

"I have two of those!" Massu exclaims jovially, patting his belly again. "I hear it better during the ultrasound though. Speaking of, would you mind taking me to my next appointment? It's not uncomfortable to drive yet, but I'd feel better if I didn't have to worry about it."

"I can definitely do that," Shige says as he pulls out his phone. "Just tell me the date and time and I'll tell my manager to work around it. All of them."

"I'll just have my manager send yours the whole schedule," Massu offers, and Shige nods his agreement. "Thanks, Shige. It'll be nice to have someone else there too. I tried to take Koyama, but he sobbed the whole time, and Tegoshi gets creeped out by the movements under my skin. Turns out there's a phobia for that."

"Tegoshi _would_ be scared of the miracle of life," Shige scoffs. "Not that I _care_ , but did he settle his statutory rape case yet?"

"Nope!" Massu declares, looking as pleased as Shige feels. "It looks like he may actually have to go to court unless he agrees to a three-month probation. That _will_ be on his record, along with a restraining order that doesn't permit him within 500 feet of any school or daycare facility."

That has Shige's eyebrows rising. "That is a little extreme. He's not a pedophile."

Massu shrugs. "You wanted justice. This is justice."

Guilt floods Shige for the second time this afternoon, only this one invokes much more of a moral dilemma. "Would you mind if I was rude for a couple minutes and sent an email?"

"Not at all." Massu curls up against the arm of the couch. "I'll take a little nap."

"You can sleep in my bed if you want," Shige offers, but Massu waves him off and closes his eyes. Pregnancy must be exhausting if he can just fall asleep like that.

After a very long sigh, Shige reaches for his laptop and unearths the contacts from his university account. It's been almost eight years since he graduated pre-law, but he still keeps in touch with his criminal law professor, mostly because his daughter is a NEWS fan. Shige sends him autographed merchandise and even went to see her when she was in the hospital for a scary procedure. He's never asked for anything in return...until now.

As much as he hates himself for it, he types out the details of Tegoshi's situation and asks if there's any way to make the punishment more relevant. He takes full responsibility for Tegoshi's mindset and promises to drill the basics of feminism into his bleached-blond head if it takes him the rest of their career. Shige is _not_ someone who excuses this type of behavior, but he also can't stand by and let Tegoshi be branded with a horrible label he didn't actually earn.

He would rather Tegoshi go to jail than have a restraining order. Either way, he's out of NEWS and Johnny's entirely, but the first option doesn't make Shige feel nearly as uncomfortable.

He hits send before he can change his mind and slides his laptop back under the couch. When he returns his attention to Massu, the other man is snuggled up with himself so cutely that Shige just smiles and covers him with an afghan because he doesn't have the heart to wake him up. He leans down to push Massu's hair out of his eyes and wonders if Massu's eyelashes have always been that long, or if that was due to the hormones too. He hasn't been close enough to notice before.

It's much later after Massu has gone home and Shige's getting ready for bed that it occurs to him that that's not a typical reaction to have with someone who's a colleague and a friend, and the realization doesn't scare him as much as he would have thought.

At thirty years old, Shige's finally learning that his worries are often premature, his concerns unnecessary, and his feelings for Massu have grown to be much more than friends.

*

It's Massu's birthday when NEWS reconvenes, and even Tegoshi seems to be less cross with Shige after a break. Maybe there's truth to that old adage about absence making the heart grow fonder, or in this case absence makes one's indignant rage less imminent.

Their new solo is cute and poppy, perfect for summertime, and Massu's the only one displeased that the dance routine is dumbed down a bit to accommodate him. He's not huge yet, he protests. He can bounce around just fine, but choreographer-san doesn't want to be the one responsible for anything that goes wrong with the miracle birth.

Shige's nervous because it's the first time the public will see Massu with his fully developed breasts, which are noticeable even in the baggiest shirt. Massu doesn't care one bit and wears a tank top in the PV, showcasing his cleavage more than Shige would like, though watching Koyama and Tegoshi continuously pick their jaws up off the floor is mildly satisfying. It figures that Massu would still have a killer body regardless of what hormones are forming it.

At least they're paired together for the combination shots. The fans' preferences have been on his side lately, moving toward ShigeMasu and KoyaTego more than the classic KoyaShige and TegoMasu. He tells himself his gratitude is just to keep the others away from Massu, but upon reflection that's not much better than wanting to be the one close to him.

"I know what you did," Koyama whispers during a break in filming, when they're both wiping the sweat off of their faces.

Shige feels like a deer in headlights as he meets Koyama's gentle eyes. He hadn't thought he was _that_ obvious during his fan service with Massu. "You do?"

"The charges against Tegoshi were dropped," Koyama tells him, keeping his voice low since Tegoshi's not that far away. "He's too proud to say anything to you until you approach him first, but it turns out one of your old teachers went to school with the lawyer who's representing the girl, and they got her family to agree to forget the whole thing in exchange for a full ride at Aoyama."

"That's not..." Shige trips over his words as he starts to feel nauseous. "That's not what I wanted at all."

"Turns out she wants to be a lawyer too, but she didn't pass the entrance exams for Aoyama Prep," Koyama goes on. "Now her dreams can come true, and she can get justice for _real_ rape victims after she graduates. That's so much better than anything she could have gotten out of Tegoshi, isn't it?"

"I don't even know what to say," Shige says, then races to the closest trash can as the dinner he'd scarfed down during their last break makes a reappearance.

Koyama rushes to fret, holding Shige's hair back like that makes a difference. "Oh, Shige, did you catch a bug? Massu's supposed to be the one throwing up, not you!"

"I'm not sick," Shige manages to get out between heaves. "I'm physically disgusted."

He shoves Koyama away from him with more malice than he'd intended and disappears into the bathroom to clean up. Looking at his own face in the mirror makes everything worse, because _he_ did this and _he_ is the one who has to live with Tegoshi boasting about getting away with this for the unforeseeable future.

"Hey," Massu's voice echoes in the tiled room, and Shige feels a little better simply from his presence. "Koyama's really sad. Can I tell him you're not upset with him? I heard what happened with Tegoshi's case. That's really messed up, and I know you're mad, but it's not Koyama's fault, right?"

"I'm sorry I pushed him," Shige says in monotone. "You're right, it's not his fault. I'll be out in a minute. I just need to figure out how to look at Tegoshi's smug face for the rest of my life without getting sick."

Massu's footsteps get louder, and a small bottle of baby-safe indigestion medicine appears in front of Shige's face. "It won't help your anger, but it will help your stomach."

Shige laughs in spite of the situation as he meets Massu's eyes in the mirror. "Thanks."

"Am I still allowed to be in here?" Massu asks suddenly, glancing over at the urinals.

"Of course you are," Shige says firmly. "I'll lecture anyone who says otherwise."

"See, there are still plenty of battles you can fight," Massu tells him, his bright smile offsetting Shige's sour mood. "You lost one, but there are so many others. Don't give up, okay? At least NEWS gets to stay together this way. It's not the result you wanted, but it's the best one for all involved, and you said so yourself that he's not a bad person."

"How are you so calm?" Shige asks incredulously, dragging his eyes to look directly at Massu instead of through a mirror. "I thought pregnancy was supposed to make you irritable and irrational."

Massu gives him a pointed look. "Now who's being problematic?"

"You got me there," Shige gives in. "You don't happen to have any mints, do you?"

"Better," Massu answers, producing another bottle, this one containing breath spray that Massu uncaps himself and holds up for Shige. Obediently, Shige opens his mouth and Massu gives him a couple squirts, the minty flavor exploding on his tongue and greatly improving his comfort.

"Thanks," he says again, patting him on the arm in lieu of a hug, remembering how Massu had commented that he didn't like them. Shige is pleased to note that Massu's biceps are still firm to the touch. "Sorry to be a burden on your birthday."

Massu shakes his head and grins, and somehow that makes everything better.

The instant Shige returns to the filming area, he pulls Koyama into a tight embrace, apologizing without words, then he surprises all of them by wrapping his arms around Tegoshi next. Tegoshi tenses, and for a brief second Shige thinks the youngest is going to shrug him off, but then he relaxes and squeezes Shige's waist. Multiple times.

"Are you gaining sympathy weight or something?" Tegoshi teases, and Shige gives up on their rare act of bonding as he pulls away. "What? It's cute."

"Let's get back to work," Shige says briskly, folding his arms over his stomach while Tegoshi laughs in the distance.

*

Shige's not a big fan of kids, but after watching Massu's unborn child grow bigger month after month on the ultrasound, he thinks he might like this one a little bit.

"I knew it was coming," the doctor says, "but I wasn't prepared to see both sex organs on one fetus."

"Ta-da," Massu jokes, doing jazz hands as he smiles fondly at the screen. "I should probably start thinking of a name soon."

"You're not going to name him Gyoza?" Shige asks seriously, then cringes when Massu digs a spirit finger right into his gut.

"Wow, you _have_ plumped up," Massu comments, and Shige rolls his eyes. "Is it really because of me?"

"I don't think so," Shige answers with a frown. "I don't eat any more than I usually do. It's not even winter!"

"Sometimes, the father will gain weight from devoting his time to taking care of the mother and neglecting his own needs," the doctor speaks up. "It happens in most species of the animal kingdom."

"I'm not the..." Shige starts to protest, but Massu's nodding along like it makes sense to him. "Time to go to the gym, I guess."

"You can come with me!" Massu chirps. "I work out every day. I'm not allowed to lift weights, but I can still do push-ups and floor exercises. I walk a lot too."

Shige looks helplessly at the doctor, but all she does is praise Massu's proper prenatal care and suggest a few stretches he can do to alleviate back pain.

"It's _twice_ as bad because I'm not used to having boobs," he says, and she nods in sympathy. "They keep getting bigger too."

"That's normal," she tells him, then turns to Shige. "You can rub his shoulders, but don't use too much pressure. No lower back massages or he could go into premature labor."

"O-" Shige starts, but Massu cuts him off.

"That's not necessary," he says dismissively. "I go to a masseuse once a week. They have a special pregnancy table and everything."

The doctor seems to accept that and finishes the ultrasound with no worries or concerns. Shige eyes Massu as he wipes the goop off of his swollen belly and adjusts his shirt. Massu's new curves don't even faze him anymore, though his hair has gotten a little long. His face still looks the same, if not a bit chubbier.

And their fans _love_ it. Massu says that femininity doesn't really suit him, but it's easier for him to wear sundresses instead of bothering with maternity pants, so his whole image has become some kind of real-life genderswap trope. It doesn't help that Koyama always looks like he's perving on him, which is probably the easiest fan service that one has ever done in his life. Not to be outdone, Tegoshi has started femming up purely on principle, but Shige would have been concerned if he _hadn't_.

"I'd rub your shoulders, you know," Shige mentions when they get into his car.

"It's fine," Massu says, flashing a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes as he adjust his seat belt under his bust line. "I have a masseuse."

"You don't have to pay someone to do it when I'm right here," Shige insists. "I don't mind, honestly."

"It's honestly _fine_ ," Massu snaps, staring straight ahead until it's been a few seconds and Shige hasn't started the car. "Shige? Are we going?"

"Why don't you want me touching you?" Shige asks suddenly. "I know you don't like anyone touching you, but this is different. Why is it okay for some stranger to rub your shoulders and not me?"

"Because you don't want to touch me," Massu replies, lifting his eyes that soften as they meet Shige's. "I get it, it's cool. My body isn't the same as before and that's weird. I'm not mad. I understand."

"What are you even talking about?" Shige asks. "I'm used to it now. I just want you to be comfortable."

"And I want _you_ to be comfortable," Massu insists. "You hug Koyama and even Tegoshi but not me, and that's okay."

"I don't hug you because you don't like hugs!" Shige exclaims. "You told me yourself. People kept hugging you and you didn't like it."

"I don't like people I barely know hugging me," Massu clarifies. "It's okay when people who are close to me do it. I like it when you do it."

Shige bangs his head on the steering wheel. "I'm an idiot."

"No." Massu reaches for Shige's arm, the simple touch the most contact they've had in weeks. "I'm sorry for assuming. I should have talked to you about it."

"Do you want to come over for a bit?" Shige asks, his face flushed when he finally lifts his head. "I'll rub your shoulders, and hug you a lot to make up for all this time when I didn't."

Massu's next smile is real. "That sounds nice, but let's do it at my place instead. Then you don't have to drive me home, because I'll already be home!"

"Genius," Shige agrees, and Massu's hand doesn't leave his arm even after he turns over the engine and shifts into drive.

Once they arrive at Massu's place, Shige opens his arms and Massu falls into them. It's a bit awkward to lean forward to compensate for the baby bump, but they manage. Massu smells the same, like clean laundry mixed with spicy deodorant and fruity hair conditioner, and it's all so much that Shige has a bit of a sensory overload as he reacquaints himself with the closeness.

"Not to be forward, but it'll be easiest to do this on my bed," Massu says. "That way I can lie on my side and we can both stretch out."

"Works for me," Shige agrees, and he's the one to lead them down the hall to Massu's bedroom. He hasn't been in here before, but it's set up like every other bedroom he's been in, the afternoon sunlight filtering in through thin curtains more than enough to see.

Massu plops right onto his side and Shige follows, getting settled before lifting his fingers to Massu's shoulders. Massu moans softly and arches, then makes a pained noise as he reaches behind himself to unfasten his bra.

"I'll get it," Shige says gently, slipping his hands under Massu's shirt to unhook the uncomfortable-looking contraption. He feels indentations from where it had been digging into Massu's skin and frowns. "Better?"

"Much," Massu admits, somehow managing to remove the bra without taking off his shirt. Shige never really knew how people did that. It's magic. "You're pretty good at that."

"I _have_ taken off a bra or two in my time," Shige points out, and Massu laughs.

"I haven't," Massu tells him. "My mom had to teach me how to wear it. I would say that was the most awkward experience of my life, but we're starting a lactation class soon."

"You're going to breast feed?" Shige asks.

"I'm going to try," Massu answers. "We don't know how my body is going to react after the baby is born, but as long as I don't start producing testosterone right away I should be able to feed him."

"What if you don't ever produce any?" Shige asks, struggling to keep his pressure light. "Are you just going to live like this forever?"

"I don't know." Massu sighs. "I can get supplement injections, which is honestly what I should have done in the first place, but there are a lot of side effects. They say it's like going through puberty again."

"So much effort," Shige comments. "Is it so bad to stay like this?"

Massu shrugs, which has Shige moving up to his neck. " _Ah_ , right there. I carry all of my tension at the base of my skull. And no, it's not so bad, but I miss my muscles and flat chest. These boobs are nothing but a hassle. Everyone tells me they're more sensitive like this and it feels good when they're touched, but I let Koyama play with them and it hurt a lot."

"Maybe he was too rough," Shige suggests, trying very hard to get that mental image out of his head. "He does get a little too eager around boobs."

"That was easier to tolerate when I didn't have any," Massu mutters.

They fall silent and Shige focuses on rubbing out Massu's tense spots, smiling every time Massu makes a soft noise of pleasure. "Are you scared to be a parent?"

"Terrified," Massu answers promptly. "I was told I would never have kids, so I haven't paid attention or studied anything about them. But at the same time, I'm excited. Because I didn't think it was a possibility, it's even more amazing that it's actually happening."

"That's really nice," Shige says. "From what I hear, there's nothing that prepares you for it anyway. You just kind of wing it and hope for the best."

Massu laughs. "Yeah. I wish I had someone to do it with me though. Now that everyone knows how I'm built, there's no reason to avoid getting into a relationship anymore. But it almost feels like it's too late, like it's something I should have done before getting pregnant."

"There are plenty of people who would get involved with a single parent," Shige assures him. "You don't even have the baby daddy drama! What kind of people are you interested in, anyway? Men? Women? Whatever?"

"Saying 'whatever' makes it sounds like anything goes," Massu scoffs. "I don't really know what I'm into. I am attracted to personalities and intelligence more than physical appearances. There are loads of people I think are good-looking, but I'd never date them."

"I can understand that," Shige says. "It makes it difficult to find someone for you though."

"I don't need you to find anyone for me!" Massu squawks, and Shige smooths out the tension that forms above Massu's collarbone. "I don't have time for that anyway. I'm gonna have a baby to take care of. I just wish I had some _help_."

"What are you talking about?" Shige asks. "You have all of us. You will probably have to tear that child out of Koyama's arms once he's born. When he gets older, Tegoshi will teach him how to play soccer. And me...well, I'll help too."

"It's like he'll be NEWS' baby," Massu says softly, and Shige feels it in his heart.

Shige pauses to shake out his hands. "Is it okay if I take a break? I'm getting a cramp in my fingers."

"Of course," Massu tells him, then rolls over to his other side to face Shige. "Thanks. That felt really good."

"Anytime you need it, you let me know," Shige says firmly. "Except maybe not for the next twenty minutes."

"I'm sleepy anyway." Massu barely gets out the words before a giant yawn seems to take him over. "Nap with me?"

"I'm not tired, but you can lie on me if you want," Shige offers. "You mentioned it's not comfortable for you to sleep lately."

Massu makes a noncommittal noise as he scoots the remaining distance to Shige, maneuvering himself under Shige's arm and alongside his torso, a pillow wedged between his legs. His protruding abdomen fits neatly along Shige's hip, and Massu's eyelashes are just starting to flutter when something digs into Shige's side and he gasps at the realization of what it is.

"Ah, he likes you," Massu murmurs, blindly reaching for Shige's hand to put it on his overactive belly. "You two play while Mama sleeps."

Shige hardly hears him with how distracted he is, chasing the movements around Massu's stretched out skin until he gives up and flattens his palm in one spot. It's surreal and ephemeral and a bunch of other words his brain throws at him to try and describe what he's feeling right now, at least until he looks over to see Massu snoozing on his shoulder, peaceful and trusting and _everything_.

It's love, Shige finally admits to himself, and Massu's son kicks especially hard at that exact second. It's probably a coincidence, but the writer in Shige takes it as a sign that what he feels is real.

*

NEWS puts out one more single before Christmas, a slow ballad where Massu can sit in a comfy chair while they perform. He's as round as he is tall, waddling adorably all over the place because he insists on staying active, all smiles and _glowing_ as he's happily spoiled by the staff and the other members.

"I _love_ being pregnant," Massu says during their promotion interviews. "I feel so low stress, even with the same amount of work as usual. Maybe I will keep having babies!"

Koyama's eyes glisten at the thought, and Tegoshi laughs as he comforts the older idol and jokes about Massu spawning a whole soccer team. Shige stares blankly at the camera, unsure how to react to the thought of Massu getting pregnant _again_ after this one. It doesn't affect him at all, yet if Massu keeps having babies, he'll continue to display feminine features that he doesn't really want. But then Shige can keep spending time with him.

"I think we're all a little bit in love with Massu right now," Koyama had said gently when Shige confessed his feelings after a rare night of drinking, and that was enough for Shige to push them far, far out of his mind.

He doesn't listen to all of their radio shows, because who has that kind of time, but he hears third party from _his_ listeners that Massu had told Tegoshi and Sakura that Shige takes care of him the best out of all of the members, almost like it was his baby too. Shige's heart warms when he reads that, and he says as much.

"It's been quite an adjustment," he admits out loud, choosing his words very carefully. "Not just his appearance, but our friendship has changed too. I haven't had to take care of him before; none of us did. Masuda was very self-sufficient. He still is, but there are things he can't do now, or more accurately there are things that are not comfortable for him to do now. I don't mind doing those things for him. In fact, I like feeling needed that way."

He laughs, feeling silly for how serious he's making this. All he really does is drive Massu to appointments and keep him company. Koyama does all the cleaning and Tegoshi has ordered, built, and arranged all of the baby furniture in Massu's spare bedroom. Occasionally, Massu will ask Shige to rub his shoulders, but he's usually propped up by so many pillows that Shige couldn't get to him even if he wanted to.

"It's not just me," he goes on. "Baby Massu will be an honorary member of NEWS. I think I can speak for Koyama and Tegoshi too when I say we're all excited to meet him and watch him grow. For me personally, this will be the first baby I've really spent a lot of time around. I don't have any siblings to make me an uncle, and my few friends who have young children don't bring them around very much. The closest I've come is visiting Koyama's nephews and niece after they were born, but even I know that it's different having one around all the time. I'm looking forward to it though. Maybe I will be even more needed by the one who hasn't needed anyone before."

He changes the topic before he says anything _else_ incriminating, the heat under his collar lingering for the rest of the show. It wasn't a blatant confession, but Massu might take it the wrong way--or the _right_ way. Shige should probably talk to him first before those words are relayed to _him_ third party.

After he's done recording, he pulls out his phone to send a message, but he already has one. _Can you stay over tonight?_ Massu asks, followed by his usual pig emoji. _I'm so uncomfortable, and having you here might make me less miserable_.

Shige doesn't know whether to smile or frown. He's upset that Massu feels bad, but he _loves_ being the one who's sought out for comfort--what little of it he can give anyway. He quickly shoots off an affirmation and stops home to pack a bag, taking a quick shower so he doesn't have to worry about doing it over there.

When he lets himself into Massu's apartment, using his key to keep from making Massu get up to answer the door, he finds Massu face-down on his couch, the middle cushion pulled out to accommodate his abdomen that looks even bigger with gravity weighing it down.

"Everything hurts," he whines, and Shige kneels next to the couch. He starts to lift his hand to Massu's hair, but Massu stops him with his own hand on Shige's arm. "You don't want to do that. I haven't washed it for days."

"I'll wash it for you," Shige offers, and Massu makes a deflated noise. "You have to get up eventually, and the next time you do, we'll relocate into the bathroom."

"I feel so gross," Massu mutters, turning his head enough to speak somewhere other than into the cushion. "But I have no energy."

"We can get you some of that dry shampoo," Shige suggests, and Massu scrunches up his nose. "I think they make a spray for your body too, so you won't have to shower at all."

"Okay, you talked me into it," Massu says pointedly, using his arms to push himself up enough to turn over. Shige's briefly mesmerized as his biceps flex in complete contrast of the rest of his body. "You may have to roll me down the hall though."

"I've been working out my upper body," Shige tells him. "I could carry you."

Massu laughs out loud as he gets to his feet and waddles away. Shige narrows his eyes but follows, and they both stare at the small bathroom and bathtub with the shower seat in it. "How are we going to do this?"

"I'll just get in with you," Shige decides. So much for already taking a shower. "You sit in the chair, and I'll stand behind you and wash your hair."

"You don't have to," Massu says slowly. "I can manage on my own now that I'm up."

Shige leans over to spin the taps, distracting himself by finding the right combination of hot and cold. "I'm already here."

Once the water's running, he turns toward Massu, who's already pulling his long nightshirt over his head. Shige tries not to stare as Massu's breasts are exposed, rushing to offer his shoulder for Massu to hold onto for balance. The strength of Shige's deltoids are tested when Massu leans his entire weight on him to step into the bathtub, but then he's settled and Shige gets to work on his own clothes.

It's a little cramped, but Shige manages to fit between Massu and the wall, ducking a bit to keep from blocking the shower spray. He gets to work washing Massu's hair, first shampoo and then conditioner, and Massu looks peaceful for the first time in a long while when Shige runs his fingers through Massu's scalp.

"Your hair has gotten so long," Shige comments, and Massu makes a choked noise of acknowledgment that has Shige noticing more than just water running down his face. "Are you crying?"

"Yes," Massu answers, sniffling as he reaches for the soap and starts to lather his body.

Shige waits for him to keep talking, and when he doesn't, he gently threads his fingers through Massu's wet bangs and tilts his head back. "Tell me what's wrong~"

"Nothing. Everything." Massu pouts, and it would be cute if he wasn't upset. "My body is all wrong and my heart is a mess. I don't know what to feel about anything, or anyone, and the only time anything makes sense is when you're around."

The shower chair ends up holding them both when Shige grabs onto it to maintain his balance while the world is pulled out from under him. Massu sniffles and Shige realizes too late that his silence is probably the worst reaction right now, but he doesn't know what to say. There aren't any words in his brain, at least ones that form any kind of coherent statement.

He has to twist his torso, but he leans down to wrap his arms around Massu's shoulders and press his face into the back of Massu's neck. Massu grips onto him with both hands and sobs, each sound tugging at Shige's heart, and gradually Massu's breath evens out.

"I want to get out," Massu says calmly. "I'm as clean as I'm gonna get."

Shige struggles to focus enough to help, managing to dry off himself and Massu without getting too much water on the floor. He ties a towel around his waist and finds some clean clothes for Massu, offering his other shoulder this time to even out the soreness. Once Massu's dressed, Shige finds his bag and puts on his own night clothes, turning to find Massu leaning against the wall in the hallway, regarding him with a sheepish smile.

"I feel better," Massu tells him. "Thanks."

"There's nothing a good shower cry can't fix," Shige says, trying to keep his tone light, and Massu looks grateful. "Did you have other plans for tonight, or shall we camp out in your bed?"

Massu shrugs as he tries to flatten his back against the wall. "Nothing is comfortable, so it doesn't matter."

He disappears in the opposite direction, and Shige watches in mild amusement as Massu situates his mountain of pillows several different times before giving up. Wordlessly, Shige squeezes past him and plops in the middle of the bed, leaning back against a single pillow as he holds his arms open.

Massu looks skeptical but rolls onto the bed, where Shige gently guides him until his back is up against Shige's chest. Shige stretches out his legs on either side of Massu, resting his hands on the sides of Massu's abdomen that are somehow both active with baby movements.

"It won't be long now," Shige whispers, and Massu shivers at the breath on his neck. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Massu replies. "Best thing I've felt in weeks."

Shige has a passing thought about doing it again, but halts it before it can even be considered. He won't take advantage of Massu like this. "Is he gonna make it through New Year's? He feels like he's ready to come out now."

"I wish he would come out now," Massu grumbles. "My mother told me I'm cursed with a late birth. Even if the doctor says he's fully grown, he'll stay in there longer than he needs to."

"Well, it _is_ cold outside," Shige points out. "You're making such a good home for him that he doesn't wanna leave."

"You're cute," Massu says flatly. "You carry a bowling ball in your gut for nine months and tell me how you like it."

"Okay, okay." Shige laughs, and Massu's shaking with amusement too. "Is there anything I can do to make it better?"

"This is tolerable," Massu answers, squirming a bit as he settles back into Shige's embrace. "We probably can't sleep like this, but at least I'll get a break for a little while."

"Whatever you need," Shige says, resting his chin on Massu's shoulder as he absently follows the baby's kicks and punches with his fingers. "I should tell you that I said something weird on my radio show tonight."

"I doubt it's any weirder than what I said on ours," Massu scoffs. "Hell, this is weird right now, but I'm past the point of caring about weird."

Shige doesn't quite know how to take that, so he just picks up from where he'd left off. "I said that I like being needed by you this way."

"Really?" Massu asks, his tone more hopeful than anything else. "Because I've been trying not to bother you, especially lately, but if you actually enjoy it I'll stop holding back."

"Please do," Shige tells him. "There's not much I can do for you right now, but--"

"Are you kidding?" Massu interrupts, and for a second Shige actually thinks Massu's going to make the effort to sit up just to turn around and glare at him. "You are doing _so much_ for me already. Just being here to talk to me, holding me like this, it's more than I get from anyone else. Tegoshi won't get near me and Koyama wants to get _too_ close. Nakamaru's on tour, my sister gets bored easily, and my mom keeps trying to get me to move back home. _You_ are the one who has been there for me this whole time, and if I'm being honest, you're the one whom I want to be here."

"Then I'll stay," Shige says quietly, his heart pounding so hard that Massu has to feel it. "As long as you want me here, I'll stay. Even after he's born."

"Akira."

Shige starts. "What?"

"His name will be Akira," Massu says.

"Like from _Nobuta_?" Shige asks.

Massu laughs. "Yeah. Like from _Nobuta_."

Shige vaguely recalls the old drama that spawned the characterization for their ex-leader's group personality. "Yamashita will be honored."

"Akira was a thousand times cooler than Yamashita _ever_ was," Massu declares, and Shige can't disagree. "Maybe my Akira will be cool too."

"He definitely will," Shige assures him, patting the area where the baby--Akira--keeps kicking. "I will meet you soon, Akira-chan!"

Massu leans back enough for Shige to see his trademark grin, and it's enough to make Shige forget about everything he doesn't understand.

*

On Christmas Day, Shige shows up at Massu's place with a duffel bag full of clothes and his laptop. He's spent nearly every other night over here anyway, and this way he would already be here if Akira decides to prove his grandmother wrong and come early.

It had taken longer for Shige to gather up the courage to suggest it than it had taken Massu to accept. Shige expected Massu to be reluctant to have him around so much, _always_ in his space, but Massu's all smiles from the minute Shige lugs a month's worth of his belongings through the door.

Just like everything else when it comes to this one, Shige hadn't needed to worry at all. It turns out that he's the one left alone while Massu retreats to the nursery, nesting as much as he can while nine months pregnant. Shige gets more writing done on Massu's couch than he had on his own, and after a few days he's actually bored.

The only work they have is rehearsing for Countdown, which isn't much work for Massu since the agency refuses to let him on stage. He'll have his own seat a safe distance away from all of the pandemonium and a microphone to sing during NEWS' performance, but he'll be left out of the intergroup medleys completely. Koyama and Tegoshi have already planned to run over to him a lot, and some of the other groups' members undoubtedly will too.

Two days before New Year's Eve, Tegoshi randomly brings by a leopard-print onesie he just _had_ to buy. He side-eyes Massu's reorganization of everything in the nursery and leaves him to it, guiding Shige to the couch and sitting him down like they were at his place.

"I want to talk to you about your intentions with my Massu," Tegoshi says seriously, and Shige gives him a strange look. "I'm prepared to give him to you, but only if your intentions are pure. I won't let him come to rely on you only to have you walk away when someone better comes along."

"First of all, you don't own him," Shige says, and Tegoshi rolls his eyes. "And secondly, since when do you care what any of us do?"

"Since I've _never_ seen him look at _anyone_ the way he looks at you lately," Tegoshi says firmly, staring right into Shige's eyes as he speaks. "Shige, I know we've had a rough year--" Shige snorts "--but everything is about to get _so_ much harder for him. He's going to have a _baby_. By _himself_. The last thing he needs is someone playing with his heart."

"I'm not," Shige says, relaxing at the uncharacteristic look of concern on Tegoshi's face. "I've actually...I haven't told him how I feel yet, because I don't want to stress him out so late in the pregnancy."

"Isn't it more stressful to not know?" Tegoshi asks, glancing down the hallway. There's no way Massu can hear them with the EDM he's blaring, but Shige turns around to check anyway. "You always think you're burdening people when they _already like you_. You should really go talk to a therapist about your abandonment issues."

Shige sighs. "Didn't you give up on psychology?"

Tegoshi grins, the lopsided one he doesn't show on camera, and Shige feels a little better. "He loves you too, stupid. You wouldn't be here if he didn't."

It feels good to hear that, even from this one. "Thanks, Tegoshi."

"I owed you one," Tegoshi tells him, and Shige cringes in memory. "I know you're still mad about that, and if it helps at all, the woman I'm seeing now is thirty-five and has two kids."

"She's not married, is she?" Shige asks, and Tegoshi slugs him in the arm. " _Ow_."

"You've gotten soft," Tegoshi teases him. "It suits you."

"Thanks, I think."

"Hey," Tegoshi says suddenly, leaning closer like they were about to conspire on some covert operation. "Have you seen Massu's junk yet?"

"It is time for you to leave," Shige says pointedly, getting to his feet and physically dragging Tegoshi to the door. "Thanks for coming by. See you at Countdown."

Tegoshi's still smirking when Shige shoves him out the door, then collapses against it. His heart is ricocheting around in his ribcage because Massu may actually return his feelings. Tegoshi isn't psychic, but his predictions usually end up correct. Except when it comes to knowing someone's age, apparently.

"Shige?" Massu's voice is barely audible over the music. "Can you help me up?"

Shige rushes to distract himself with the very person who's on his mind. It takes all of his strength to get Massu to his feet, and when he's finally steady, Shige realizes Massu's face is right in front of his.

"Um," he says eloquently.

Massu ducks to the side and laughs. "What did Tegoshi want?"

"To be a brat," Shige answers, and Massu seems to accept that. "It looks great in here."

"I don't like that the changing table is so far away from the crib," Massu replies, frowning as he assesses the layout of the room.

"I can move it," Shige offers, and Massu turns to him with pleading eyes. "Where do you want it?"

And just like that, Shige gets sucked into Massu's obsessive rearranging and spends the next hour moving furniture around...and around...and sometimes back where it originally was. At least he's getting a workout, breaking a sweat by the time Massu is finally satisfied with where everything is--for now.

"You look so hot," Massu says, and Shige lifts his head to stare at the other man incredulously. "Temperature hot, I mean. Because you're sweating."

He's falling over his words and it's actually cute, his cheeks tinting pink as hope rises in Shige's chest. Shige takes a deep breath, finally feeling confident enough to say the words he's been wanting to say for months now.

"I'm in love with you."

Massu blinks, and for one terrifying second Shige thinks that he might have misunderstood, that Massu was just having some kind of hormonal flash or even that Tegoshi set this all up just to humiliate him. He wants to flee, but Massu's blocking the only exit and they're several stories up from the ground.

"Okay," Massu finally says, and Shige's fight-or-flight response fades. "Can we go lie down? I feel dizzy."

"Oh no!" Shige rushes to Massu's side, gently guiding him out of the room and across the hall. "Should I call the doctor?"

" _No_ ," Massu hisses as he curls up on his side. "I'm dizzy because you just confessed to me."

"Oh."

Shige stretches out next to him, watching Massu's face distort as he thinks. "I'm sorry if I messed everything up by saying it, but I couldn't keep it in anymore."

"What could you possibly mess up?" Massu asks with a sarcastic laugh. "Everything's already messed up. If anything, you just made it neater. Or easier, whatever. Metaphors are your thing, not mine."

"What are you saying?" Shige asks gently, reaching the short distance to take Massu's hand in his. Massu doesn't flinch, simply opens his hand to accept Shige's fingers in-between his.

"I'm saying this feels right," Massu tells him, his thumb gently brushing Shige's, and it's the most intimate thing Shige's felt in years. "You and me and Akira. You and _me_."

"You and me," Shige repeats. For the first time in a very long while, Shige's mind is blank, void of ruminating thoughts and possibilities. Looking at Massu's eyes, tired but bright, Shige is fully present in the moment, all of the fear and excitement fading in favor of everything he feels for Massu right here, right now.

"I still have a penis," Massu reminds him, like there's a chance he had forgotten. "And it works properly."

"Good, because I've got plans for it," Shige responds automatically, and Massu raises an amused eyebrow. "Whenever you feel like it, of course."

Massu's laugh is more bashful than malicious, his face tinting pink. "Maybe you should kiss me first."

He doesn't have to say that twice. Shige closes the distance between them and cups Massu's jaw with one hand, watching those long eyelashes flutter shut before closing his own eyes and leaning in. Their lips brush together and Shige's breath hitches, the spark coursing all the way through his body down to his toes.

Massu tilts his head and kisses back, reaching his arm out as far as he can and barely grazing Shige's side. The slight touch is enough to make Shige jerk, and Massu yanks his hand away like it had caught fire. "Sorry."

"No," Shige whispers. "It's okay. I'm just not used to you touching me. I like it."

"I've wanted to touch you for so long," Massu admits, and Shige scoots closer. "You're always touching me, but that is for my comfort, and me touching you would be for my enjoyment."

"Mine too," Shige assures him, and Massu wraps his arm around Shige's waist. His hand slips up the back of Shige's sweater and Shige gasps at the contact, heating up their kiss from the rush he gets. "Where is it okay for me to touch you?"

"I want to say anywhere, but..." Massu squirms as Akira seems to resituate himself between them. "There are only two more days until Countdown, and they say that orgasms help induce labor."

"I can touch you without getting you off," Shige points out.

"Yeah, because _that's_ what I want," Massu says sarcastically, and now Shige's the one raising his eyebrows. "I have _never_ been touched like this by _anyone_ , Shige. Nine months pregnant or not, I'm gonna want it no matter how innocent you try and keep it."

"I'm trying very hard not to be flattered," Shige tells him, and Massu pokes him in the side. "Okay, I'll keep it PG-rated."

"Maybe PG-13," Massu compromises, popping the top buttons on his nightshirt, and it turns out Koyama had been far too rough after all.

*

After a miracle conception, nine months of meeting all of his fetal development milestones, and a confirmation from the best obstetrician in Japan that he's on target for his due date of January 5th, Masuda Akira decides that he wants to start making his world debut at 9:30pm on New Year's Eve.

Shige doesn't even know it's happening at first, because they've just finished the final dress rehearsal and Countdown backstage is its usual chaotic normal. The last he saw Massu, the other idol was grinning from his special seat on the sidelines, bouncing along with his microphone during the intergroup medley.

"SHIGE!!" Koyama's voice booms suddenly, and Shige nearly jumps out of his skin. Koyama knocks over about thirty idols in a flurry of sparkles and feathers on his way to Shige, apologizing to every single one because he's Koyama, and as soon as Shige sees Koyama's face, he knows what happened.

"Is it Taka?" he guesses, and Koyama nods. "Where is he?"

"I heard his manager took him to the hospital in the middle of our last run-through," Koyama pants, leaning forward on his knees like he had raced across the whole dome to get here. "We're going, right?"

"You're the leader!" Shige exclaims.

"You're the boyfriend!" Koyama yells back.

They stare at each other until Matsumura Hokuto cautiously approaches them. "Um, senpai? Tegoshi's out back with one of the staff vans and said to find out if 'those other idiots in my group' are coming or not. His words."

"Looks like Shintaro-kun gets his wish to sing our songs tonight," Shige says, patting Hokuto on the shoulder before he and Koyama fall over each other in their race to the back door.

"Ah, I hope we won't get in trouble," Koyama frets once they've piled in the van, Shige purposely not looking at the road because Tegoshi's driving like it's the Tokyo Drift.

"Us not being with Massu was never an option," Tegoshi says, his voice way too calm for the high speed and sharp corners.

Shige smiles despite the fear for his life. "You know what, kid? You're all right."

"I know." Tegoshi flashes a dazzling grin in the rearview mirror, then squeals into a parking garage. "We're here."

The emergency waiting room of Tokyo University Hospital gets a shock when all three of them run in in full costume, but there's a nurse standing by to lead them to a more private area. Massu's manager is already there, along with Massu's father, and Shige cringes as he hears the pained screams in the distance, easily distinguishable by their deep pitch.

"I _need_ to be in there with him," Shige tells the nurse, and he must look convincing because she only hesitates for a second before taking him to Massu.

"Shige," Massu says, reaching out with the hand that's not already gripped by his mother. "There's something wrong. He's not coming out."

"Contractions are ten seconds apart," the on-call obstetrician reports, poking her head out from between Massu's legs. "Yet there's no dilation. Why did you wait so long to come? You had to have been contracting all day."

"I was, but my water didn't break until a little while ago," Massu tries to explain, but he keeps interrupting himself to cry out in pain. Shige rushes to take his other hand, smoothing his hair off of his forehead and struggling to keep his nerves in check. "You're missing Countdown."

"We all are," Shige says, and Massu lights up as much as he can in his current situation. "Countdown can live without NEWS for one year. This is more important."

Massu's doctor flies through the door and smiles at them all, her face made up and hair done like she had been at a party. "I got here as fast as I could! How many centimeters is he?"

"Zero," the other doctor reports, and Massu's doctor's face falls. "He's not dilated at all."

"Let me take a look." She grabs a chair and rolls over to the end of the bed, where she starts at the first glance under Massu's gown. "I'll never get used to seeing that."

Massu rolls his eyes, then cringes as another contraction hits. Shige can visibly see the movement in Massu's abdomen, like Akira is physically trying to break through the skin. "Does he not know where to go?" Shige asks.

"I think he doesn't _have_ anywhere to go," Massu's doctor says slowly. "I've done many exams on Takahisa-kun and his cervix looks normal, but his birth canal isn't expanding as it should be. We're going to have to do an emergency c-section."

"It's okay," Massu's mother rushes to console her son. "They'll numb you and you won't feel a thing."

"Won't it scar?" Massu asks worriedly.

"It'll be beautiful," Shige tells him, humming the melody to Alessia Cara's "Scars to Your Beautiful," and both Massu and his mother smile at him.

Shige feels a bit like he's in a medical drama with the way he's jogging behind Massu's gurney as it's wheeled into an operating room. Only one of them is allowed to be present for the procedure and Shige isn't about to argue with Massu's mother, so he shuffles back to the waiting room and updates the others on Massu's condition.

"I _told_ him to have sex first," Tegoshi comments, shaking his head. "His body has never had to stretch like this before. Shige, this is your fault."

"We've been dating for _two days_!" Shige shoots back, then remembers that Massu's father is there. "Um."

"I'm glad to hear that," Masuda-san says gently. "He spoke very fondly of you, but didn't think you would be interested in someone like him as more than a friend."

"He was wrong," Shige says firmly. "I'm very interested."

Masuda-san offers a slight bow of his head. "Please take care of my son and grandson."

"I will," Shige agrees.

"Management wants TOKIO to check in with us after midnight," Koyama announces as he scrolls through his phone. "They'll stream our video feed on Countdown and we can tell everyone if Akira-chan has come into the world yet or not."

"That is the _last_ thing I want to do," Shige mutters.

"We'll take care of all the talking," Tegoshi says, grinning when Shige gapes at him. "What?"

"You are being really amazing tonight," Shige tells him. "Who are you?"

Tegoshi laughs. "I told you, didn't I? He was my Massu _first_."

Shige throws his arms around him, sequins and all, and Tegoshi humors him for a few seconds before wiggling his way out. Of course, that just has Koyama crawling over Tegoshi to take his place, and Shige's so nervous that he lets Koyama coddle him.

A little less than an hour later, after Massu's sister had picked up McDonald's for everyone on her way to the hospital, Massu's mother shuffles into the room in her scrubs. "Akira is here! Eight pounds and three ounces, just like Taka was."

"That's a big baby!" Koyama exclaims.

"Can we see him?" Shige asks, his hands shaking from anticipation.

"The doctors are stitching up Taka and cleaning up Akira, so they will let us know when they're ready for visitors," Masuda-san tells them.

"It's almost midnight," Koyama says. "Too bad Akira-chan couldn't hold out another twenty minutes. He could have been a New Year's baby!"

"Then he would hate his birthday as much as Koichi-san does," Shige points out. "He probably already will."

Massu's doctor looks pretty proud of herself when she strolls into the waiting area. Shige figures that Massu was probably her first intersex delivery and she already has a few medical journals wanting to hear about her experience. "Both mother and baby are awake and healthy!" she announces. "One visitor at a time, please."

Shige starts to get up, then looks sheepishly at Massu's father. "Go ahead," Masuda-san tells him with a warm smile. "They're not going anywhere."

Shige's been sitting for so long that he nearly falls on his face once he gets up, but he forces his legs to work as the doctor takes him down another hallway to the recovery rooms. He sees Massu sitting upright with a tiny human curled up in front of him, a few dark curls peeking out from under a blanket.

"He's eating already," Massu says happily. "He must have come early because he was hungry for real food."

"What does that feel like?" Shige asks as he peers down at Massu's chest. It's a lot more noticeable without the giant baby bump.

"Very weird," Massu answers with a laugh. "I'm glad I can do it though. I was worried that if my birth canal couldn't do its job, my breasts wouldn't either, and I would have lugged these things around for months for no valid reason."

"How do _you_ feel?" Shige asks, leaning down to sling an arm around Massu's shoulders.

"I'm still numb from the waist down, so I feel great," Massu says. "The doctor says I'm probably going to be in a lot of pain, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts. I may have to stay in the hospital for a few days."

"I'll stay with you," Shige offers, and Massu turns his head to nuzzle Shige's cheek.

Shige kisses him properly, and Massu makes a noise of recognition. "Did you eat McDonald's fries?"

"Shouko-san brought them," Shige says. "There might be some left, but they'll be really cold."

"No." Massu pouts. "I can't have greasy food. Gotta keep my baby healthy."

"He's so tiny," Shige comments, watching the new life in front of his eyes squirm as he eats. "Koyama said his birth weight was heavy, but he looks so _small_."

"Perception," Massu tells him. "He seems huge to me because I carried him for nine months."

Shige laughs and rests his head on Massu's shoulder. "Good work, Mama."

"Thanks to you," Massu says, and Shige feels a twist in his heart as fireworks sound in the distance. "Oh, it's midnight! Happy New Year, Shige. Please take care of me next year too."

"Back at you," Shige says, then gives Massu one more kiss. "I should let the others come meet Akira. Management wants us to do a live VTR for Countdown, but I don't think they expect you to be a part of it."

"Good," Massu says. "I don't even want to _see_ a camera for eight weeks."

Shige reluctantly tears himself away from Massu and slips out the door, where he's immediately pulled into a three-person huddle in front of Koyama's phone.

"Happy New Year, Shige!" Nagase's voice blares through the crappy speaker, surrounded by no less than twenty idols trying to cram themselves in front of the camera. "How's the new NEWS member? Can we see him?"

"He's eating," Shige reports. It's so surreal to watch the Countdown stage on a phone after being there for the past nineteen years.

"Yay, Massu's boobs work!" Tegoshi squeals, and both Koyama and Shige elbow him.

"Please tell Masuda-kun that we are all thinking of him, and we expect lots of pictures," Nagase says. "And there's someone here who has something to say to baby Akira."

Shige's not at all surprised to see Yamashita Tomohisa shove Nagase out of the way, his hair pulled up into pineapple bangs as he does his trademark _Nobuta_ pose. "Akira, shock!"

"Idiot," Shige says, but he's laughing.

"Don't you dare leave that hospital," Nishikido Ryo growls at them from Yamashita's side. "I'm coming straight there as soon as we're done here."

"Trust me, we'll be here for a while," Shige tells him, smiling fondly.

"Bring food," adds Tegoshi.

Nagase wrangles his microphone back and wraps up the segment, and Shige continues leaning on Tegoshi even after Koyama's phone goes blank. "I'm suddenly so tired."

"You've had a stressful night," Tegoshi says. "I don't think Massu would be mad if you took a little nap."

Shige yawns. "I might do that."

He curls up with all of their coats on the waiting room chairs while Koyama and Tegoshi take their turns visiting Massu and Akira. The next thing he knows, there are a lot more people around.

"If it isn't Sleeping fucking Beauty," Ryo says, grinning as Shige's vision focuses. "No sleeping on the job, loverboy."

"What time is it?" Shige asks as he rubs his eyes.

"Three A.M.," Ryo answers. "Nakamaru's in with Buta and Kobuta now. I think half of the fucking agency is here."

"I think you're right," Shige says as he looks around. Even Uchi is flailing with Koyama about whatever Uchi gets excited about these days. "Everyone does love Taka."

"That we do." Ryo smirks. "Some more than others."

Shige rolls his eyes. "Yes, we're together. And what of it?"

"Nothing," Ryo says with a shrug. "Just congratulating you on your new family."

"Thanks," Shige replies. "I'll do my best to take care of them both."

"You better," Ryo says. "Because all of these people who love him will kick your ass if you don't."

"As always, it is such a pleasure to see you," Shige tells him.

Ryo grins. "I know."

Tegoshi walks into the waiting room and frowns at all of the occupied seats. Then he sees Ryo and his face lights up, and Shige watches in amusement as Tegoshi plops right down into Ryo's lap like it's 2008.

"Oof," Ryo mutters. "You've gotten heavier, kid."

"Sympathy weight," Tegoshi says with a wink at Shige.

"What this I hear about you fucking underage girls?" Ryo demands, and Shige feels vindicated by the disapproving look on his face.

"That's old news," Tegoshi says, waving his hand dismissively. "I check their IDs now."

Walking away from that as quickly as he can, Shige peeks through the little window into Massu's recovery room. Nakamaru's making faces at Akira, who seems to be unimpressed with anything that cannot give him food, and Massu's smiling brightly despite his anesthesia long since wearing off. Shige falls more in love just looking at him, both scared and excited about the life they'll start together once they get home, the love they'll make with Akira and between themselves.

New years are for new beginnings, and Shige thinks he's kicking off his greatest journey of all.

*

Massu is serious about taking every minute of his maternity leave, turning away everyone who wants to film him or his baby until the end of February. NEWS' next single is slotted for March, which it's probably for the best since Shige's pretty useless at anything that isn't taking care of his family right now.

With Massu recovering from the c-section, Shige's the one getting up to tend to Akira every time he cries. And he cries a _lot_. The third time Koyama comes over to let them get more than an hour of sleep at a time, he makes a joke about Shige and Massu having another baby and Shige glares so hard that Massu bursts out laughing.

Then Shige will find himself entranced by the little hands and feet that wave around aimlessly as Akira checks out the world. Everything Shige knows about babies he's learning right now, with a little help from Massu's mother and Koyama, and it's all so amazing.

Massu starts exercising the minute he's cleared by the doctor, jogging around the neighborhood with the stroller and doing crunches every waking minute he's not breastfeeding. Shige wouldn't have noticed that Massu had lost any muscle at all if he couldn't suddenly pick up Massu and carry him with minimal effort, and Tegoshi takes great joy in beating Massu in arm-wrestling for the first time ever.

"I am so glad you're here," Massu tells Shige at least twice a day, and Shige just shakes his head because there's nowhere he'd rather be.

His apartment lease is up at the end of May, and he doesn't plan on renewing it.

When NEWS starts working again, Massu brings Akira along, because if Tegoshi can bring his dog everywhere then Massu can bring his child. Akira is much more well behaved than Emma ever was, though he's twice as distracting. Their fans are smitten from the first coo on TegoMasu no Radio, which ends up revealing Tegoshi's not-so-secret soft side when Akira wraps his hand around one of Tegoshi's fingers and Tegoshi chokes up.

The first public photo of Akira ends up on Koyama's J-web, and Massu's mad about it until Koyama comes by to clean again. Shige's just embarrassed because he was in the picture too, the three of them having a rare nap with Akira snuggled between them. Koyama had captioned it with "Happy family ♥" and Shige's manager asked him if he planned on coming out so she could run PR for it.

"One thing at a time, please!" Shige moans, bringing his hands to his face like it doesn't exist if he cannot see it.

"Do you still have to come out if I pass as a woman?" Massu asks curiously. They're folding laundry for what feels like the millionth time this week. Babies go through _so_ many linens.

"I think it has more to do with us being in the same group," Shige says gently. "It will ruin our image as obtainable boyfriends or something."

"So don't come out," Massu tells him with a shrug. "I don't care either way. The entire world already thinks I'm gay, and I'm pretty sure most of them think you're the one who knocked me up."

Shige snorts. "As if."

Massu snaps him with a towel, grinning when he winces. "Speaking of sex, everyone keeps offering to take Akira for a night so we can do it."

"I'd rather sleep," Shige says honestly, his gaze drifting up toward the heavens. "Can you imagine? A _whole night_ of uninterrupted sleep."

"I'm glad you feel that way, because I won't be able to have sex with you."

Shige abandons the washcloths to focus his full attention on Massu. "What? Why?"

"You know how I couldn't push the baby out?" Massu asks, and Shige nods. "Nothing can go _in_ either. I...tried. The muscles don't stretch. The doctor thinks my vagina didn't develop all the way, and that's why it was closed when I was born. There's no way you could even get a finger in there, let alone anything else."

"That doesn't mean we can't have sex," Shige tells him. "You have options, remember?"

"I don't think I want it in the butt either," Massu says. "Sorry."

"I might," Shige replies, and Massu stares at him with such disbelief that Shige just shrugs. "We can try it, anyway."

"I don't know," Massu says slowly. "That night of uninterrupted sleep sounds _real_ tempting."

As if on cue, Akira starts wailing his head off, and they both laugh as Massu goes to tend to him. It's feeding time.

When they finally take Akira on his first overnight visit to Grandma and Grandpa's house, it's too quiet. All Shige can hear is Massu's heartbeat as he curls up against him, arm slung across his waist now that it's flat again. Massu's awake but not speaking, the pair of them enjoying the comfortable silence that's been a rarity since Akira was born.

Then Shige's phone goes off, and Shige grumbles as he rolls over to grab it. "I'll turn it off," he says, then smiles at the picture message Tegoshi had sent him. He's flanked by two kids, one boy who seems to be crawling all over his back and a girl with flawless eye makeup that completely offsets the neon massacre on Tegoshi's face.

 _My girlfriend's kids are awesome!_ the caption reads. 

"You should leak that," Massu says, leaning over his shoulder.

"It'll be his best rumor to date," Shige comments, laughing as he settles back into Massu's embrace.


End file.
